Morituri te salutamus

Man - just when you thought there wouldn't be any good news, a story like this comes along:

S. Korean man dies after 50 hours of computer games

and here's the important part - "after finishing his mammoth session in an Internet cafe," - HE FINISHED.

Huzzah, Mr. Lee, Huzzah.

Fear the Yearling

What were they thinking?

Here we are, mere months out of the horror of the war with the Axis powers, and Hwood decides we need a lesson in the fact that "life is durn hard, Pa"?!?

I know the whole thing is merely a metaphor for growing up gay in the rural south, and hence the need to shoot your "dear" before it starts eating the tubers in the garden, but pleeease.

I mean, metaphor aside, what you end up with is a story about country livin' folks who don't know ass from claw about the consequences of domestication. The deer was the only intelligent creature on all of Baxter's Island (and if it's BAXTER's island, why do they have neighbors on that island - the subtly named "Forresters" - who are older....?) and they shot it.

What next? Is someone going to adapt Steinbeck's bloody awful "Red Pony?"

"Gah"

Chronicle of a really bad idea, part 1

Not THAT bandwagon!
no super energy pill for you...

It was recently announced that work had begun on a live action version of boomer-beloved canine cartoon super-icon "Underdog."

Yes. I said live action.

AND get this: they plan on using REAL DOGS.
Yeah, that won't suck.

I wonder what crime cartel is laundering their money through that production?

More Karloff Dammit!

Karloff! But not the monster...

He of giant eyebrows takes a great turn as a moody scientist turned mad in The Invisble Ray. Not to mention that he's working against Bela Lugosi who plays a good guy... But it's truly his turn as the cruel keeper of the insane in Bedlam that proves that Karloff was truly a great actor. How come this guy kept getting cast as monsters?

The Invisble Ray: Eh
Bedlam: Heh

-M.J. Loheed

Two tickets to paradise

I'll take the film rights now, please

An overnight amusement park? That's haunted? And is a"Suicide Theme Park?"

That's three movies all ready!

I mean just read this and start saving your shekels for a trip to Hong Kong now.

20 suicides in 8 years - its the real Hotel Calfornia. Ah, the mysterious Orient...

And remember, kids:
"A dirty spot yesterday will be an attraction tomorrow!"

Attn: Blue Blaze Irregulars

You might wish to read this.

from the files of chukdog

we hope to have him up to speed on uploading within the year...

'nuff said

Decisions, Decisions

Geek Hell
What to do?
Obviously it's box set or tin - and yes, I understand getting the tin collector's set is quite the big girl's blouse maneouver. I'll have you know you'll only find two other such "collectibles" on my shelves : "Wicker Man" and "Battle Royale" so go get biblically intimate with yourself. Normally the tin would not be considered, ah but this tin...the Kong tin...complete with "20-page reproduction of the original 1933 souvenir program, King Kong original one-sheet reproduction postcards and a mail-in offer for a reproduction of a vintage theatrical poster"... Program! Lobby Cards! Poster!

But the box set has the unjustly underrated "Son of Kong" and "Mighty Joe Young," two of the finer kid's monster flicks ever made...

What to do?

This dilemma is an
"Ahhhhhh!"

Meme-Maker,Meme-Maker, Make me a Meme!

Wha Tha?
Made in Japan
Remember those news stories about the 11 year old Japanese schoolyard slayer a few years back?

Well evidently the young, disturbed Gorenet fan has graduated into full-fledged cultural icon status - aided and abetted no doubt by her own anonymous status and compelling clip file blurry photo. Fan fiction, cosplayers, aManga, the works...

Maybe Battle Royale's lack of mainstream US distribution is a good thing, after all.

By the way , Battle Royale is an Ahhhhhh! (the good kind)

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
Cold Water

Aw get off the bandwagon, No-Heed. Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance takes Oldboy to the park, gets him to pay for ice cream, gives him an atomic wedgie, and then dumps him off at the wrong bus stop.

Oldboy - it's an eh - heh.

But sympathy, that's
Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh!

Old Boy

Two words: "Daddy Likey."

Although the visceral experience of watching this film can be more disconcerting than watching the paper cuts between the fingers stunt in Jackass:The Movie, Old Boy is quite a film. There are already plans to make an english speaking version, which will suck, I'm sure. I'm not saying that in the, "I'm cool because I like the original foreign version," kinda way. There have been some adaptations of foreign films that I thought were quite good. Although, none leap into mind at the moment.

I give this original Korean version the positive Ahhhhhh! Or mmmmm... delicious! -M.J. Loheed

"Ahhhhhh!"

He Shoulda Stayed Home

Manhattan Melodrama
Dillinger died for this?!?

The once-promising Gable continues his downward slide with this confused piece of celluloid. Loy and Powell add some life to this turgid, erratic tale of murder, love and friendship as two guttersnipes grow up to face each other over the great legal divide.

A stand up fella could learn alot about standing up for his pals in this crazy mixed up world from this movie - if its sense of ethics didn't ricochet back and forth between the Sophomoric and the Sunday Scholastic.

Here's hoping for better from Loy and Powell's next feature. I fear Gable's best days are behind him.

"Eh"

Eiji, They Hardly Knew Ye

Ultraman Next
"You're In My Way!"

Gah! Studio stupidity, international style. Guess it's not just a local phenom. Take beloved long-running through countless incarnations Japanese TV series and "reinvent" it, classic committee style.

Because, after all, a movie about a man that turns into a giant, silver alien in order to battle giant, rubber-suit monsters should be dark, pretentious, and plodding.

The whole movie plays like an American studio remake of a cult classic, complete with McKee style by the numbers script. Sad, slow, and quite uninteresting to know.

As a youngster, your intrepid troglophile would be glued to the screen Sat Mornings, entranced by the Ultra Original. Troglophile's very young nephew turned while watching "Next" and pleaded "Movie - all over now?" twenty minutes in.

And that says it all.

We only move from Gah to our final Meh because the climactic battle is a definite Aaaaah!

"Meh"

What are you looking at?

Huh?

Me? I 'm looking at something pretty ugly.

It's called the PG-13 horror film.